February 2010
19 posts
A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y? Consonant or vowel? Make up your mind, we’re at war.
- Stephen Colbert
You see, we’re America the Beautiful, not America ‘Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality’.
- Stephen Colbert
To the top of Mount Wanna-hock-a-loogie!
- Gill, Finding Nemo
The world is but a canvas to the imagination.
- Henry David Thoreau
Sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.
- Douglas Pagels
If they give you lined paper, write the other way.
- Juan Ramon Jiminez
Hopeless romantics are only hopeless in the eyes of those who don’t believe in romance.
- Jean Zheng
What do I do when we’re not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.
- Ryan Stiles from Whose Line Is It Anyway?, in an interview
If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- Winnie the Pooh
Sometimes I lie awake at night in bed and I ask, “Is it all worth it?” And then a voice says, “Who are you talking to?” And another voice says, “You mean: to whom are you talking?” And I say, “No wonder I lie awake at night.”
- Charlie Brown
[Timon is singing to the hyenas to distract them]
TIMON: Luau! If you’re hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat, eat my buddy Pumbaa here because he is a treat! Come on down and dine on this tasty swine, all you have to do is get in line! Are you aching?
PUMBAA: Yup Yup Yup!
TIMON: For some bacon?
PUMBAA: Yup Yup Yup!
TIMON: He’s a big pig, and you can be a big pig too! OY!
-...
Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends,...
A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation’s state legislators.
- Dave Barry
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one live has breathed easier because you have...
He had the kind of face only a mother could love, if that mother was blind in one eye, and had that sort of milky film over the other one, ya know what I mean? But still he was my identical twin.
- Colin Mochrie, Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I’m disappointed that my own Catholic Church has decided that capital punishment is wrong. Which is pretty hypocritical if you think about it, because they wouldn’t even have a religion if it wasn’t for capital punishment.
- Stephen Colbert
Support bacteria - they’re the only culture some people have.
- Steven Wright
Computer games don’t affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc., 1989
I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there’s no fucking way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock, leaving it immobile? Why the hell can’t paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can’t paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to...